Monday, May 18, 2009

Steve the bartender

Hello to you! Ken doll and I went out of town for a few days to attend a wedding. I did not get online for the last 4 days because I had to conserve all my energy for trying to get into my Spanx. I'm also a bit leery of announcing on-line "hey, our home is going to EMPTY for the next 4 days" it sounds so much like "hey, come over and rob us". Maybe I'm starting to loose my hearing but the two sound frighteningly similar.
The wedding was lovely, the bride beautiful, the weather perfect, the drinks as with every wedding were.. NOT STRONG ENOUGH! My drink of choice on Saturday was the Sea Breeze, similar to a Cape Codder but with a splash of grapefruit juice. By drink #4, I asked Ken doll to ask the bartender for a "Tsunami" because the breeze coming off of the sea was just too light. Steve (it's always good to know the bartenders name) didn't get our joke and I get another "Shirley Temple".
Now let's see..I have issues with weddings. Reception traditions are weird for me but hysterical to watch. The bride refused to have anyone force them to kiss so it was announced that if you wanted to see the couple kiss, you had to sing a line from a song that had the word love in it. At this announcement Ken doll raced to the microphone and sang "I love chicken, I love liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver". His adult beverages appeared to be working just fine!
Darn that Steve!
So now it comes time for the bridal bouquet toss and the cheesy garter belt exchange (I really thought no one did this anymore). Why on earth would any mother would let her 12 year old daughter into that arena is beyond me (see what I mean by hysterical?)but yes up there in front is a 12 year old little girl waiting to catch the pretty flowers & have a 25 year old man catch the garter. The only logical explanation is Steve the bartender is making her mothers drinks VERY TALL. Now I want no accusations that I'm trying to knock out the competition because I'm not married and this 12 year old can jump & catch faster than me..I must declare that I have never caught a bouquet and I usually try not to. Especially since I am wearing Spanx..Can you imagine? DON'T!!!!
So lets progress to the very end of the evening. I'm in the bathroom and I hear all this snapping & soft cursing. Then I hear "Damn, these Spanx!" So at the washbasins I meet this mysterious stall creature. She is about 5'8" and a whole 125-135 lbs. I laugh and recite a line from that old movie Clueless. "Party clothes are so binding". She cracks up and then proceeds to lift her dress and show me her Spanx!!!!

I know..I had the same reaction. I gave you some space to really take that in. She then starts talking about being fat (so not fat from what I could see and I did see a lot) and some other nonsense..while she is babbling on and on I heard a dull huming in my head & I only had one thought "Who was her bartender????"

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