Friday, July 31, 2009


Hi Bloggers! I have been MIA for over a month now and I have stayed away from Blogging because my world turned upside down.
The weekend I was due back to return to Illinois is the weekend that Ken Doll ended our relationship of two years. As I write this, I still have the heaviest of hearts. My furnishings and the majority of my personal belongings are in storage in Illinois and I am residing in Birmingham, Michigan for now.
All I can say is..I never saw this breakup happening and was taken completely by surprise. EVERYONE who has heard the story was as shocked and surprised as I was. I hadn't worked for several months after my car accident and I believe that along with our move to a more expensive residential area may have scared him, especially in this uncertain economy. He never communicated his hesitancy & this could be one of the reasons that he made such a rash decision. Along with his father whispering in his ear to break up with me (his father always showed animosity towards me because I had had a "charmed life" and his father was raised very poor and resented people with "money").
The good news..??? I'm with my family & friends again and I don't feel as alone as I did living in the IL. I have lost 15 lbs and I am very motivated to get back into top shape (The doctor said no aerobics still for one year). I am looking for a job and already have some "nibbles". I still speak with Kirk,.a.k.a. Ken Doll and our conversations are still filled with kindness and thoughtfulness but I haven't heard "Honey, I miss you and I made a mistake". I don't know if I ever will.
My friends say things (oh I love my friends) like "he was a good catch but can you imagine what's next if Kirk was that good?" I laugh at their optimism and appreciate it bunches.
When I moved to Illinois, I did because I thought/knew Kirk was the man of my dreams and I took a big risk because I was so excited about our future together.
I wonder what this 2 year adventure was all about. Certainly I could have stayed in Michigan and did the "long distance" thing with him or even not moved and let him go and dated other men. I don't understand why/what this relationship means in the "big scheme" of my life and only time will give me the answer and healing that I need.
Thank you bloggers for reading of my heartbreak (this is the first guy to break up with me/break my heart in my life..Yes, ladies @ 38 (Yes, now you know) this was the first time for me and I KNOW some of you out there know this feeling).
Hopefully, I will get back to blogging daily when I feel like being witty and talkative but I know that you will understand that I have been and will be "shut down" for a bit.
Huggies, I'll have another one, please!